Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Life I made and making

There are a lot of things in my life that I’ve done wrong, decisions recklessly made, paths I thought I was in the right direction, things I have regret, people I hurt, disregard and ignored, love that I have not returned, love I wasted, questioned and denied, friendship I lost, pushed and forgotten, those hate, mistrust, anger and grudges I felt, those envy thoughts and jealousy, the bad things I’ve done, those despicable attempt,thoughts and actions I made, all those cruelty and being a snob, all those hurtful words I’ve said, all those spoiled actions, the laziness, selfishness and greed, all those loneliness and sadness, those pain I have inflicted, all those doubts, worries and fears, all those forgiveness I didn’t accept, all those feeling whatever it is I have kept, those proud gestures, hypocrisy and arrogance, my lack of faith, the hopelessness, worthlessness I felt for myself, and those nonresistance to temptation at times, all those lies and deception I created, those wrong judgement I made to others and all the other guilt and wickedness I failed to mention; despite of this things, I was loved and cared for with more than I was deserved. That is why I still was lucky to live a life like this. Somethings might be too late and a lot of things could not be undone, most of the things should be change but it won’t be fast and easy, but somethings should also be left as it is and learned to accept to move on. 

I may not be fully satisfied of how my life had been, I may have questioned myself sometimes about how I live my life. All this dilemmas I face. All this things, Everything. This… Is the life I made and making… 

I may had been down and depressed but I’m trying to hold on, I won’t let go to His Mighty Hands, I won’t try… I’ll try to do my best but I won’t promise… Because I know there are times I might waver, there are times I might feel giving up. But still I continue to believe He will be there to carry me before I do, even catch me if I’m almost falling and even rescue me if I already did. 
I might not be strong and patient enough right know to endure, but I believe this plans He made for my life is filled with such wonder and beauty. 
But just like a wide puzzle, I need to put it together correctly and find the missing pieces, I just need to be strong and patient to endure. And if I can’t find it after so long or get lost along its way, I know He will help me find the way; and if I put the wrong pieces together, I know he will lend me a hand to help. And later I know I will finish my own puzzle and see how God want’s me to be. 
God will always be there no matter what our imperfections… God will never let go!

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