Wednesday, August 15, 2012


She is beautiful girl and popular to men in their University, her name is Carmi. She has a long black hair that can be compared to black pearls and a skin as smooth as porcelain. She basically has everything and most girls envy her well, most hated her. Josephine cannot see the point why Carmi flirts with her boyfriend Sam when in fact Carmi knows that she had the looks and the body to capture every man she wished for.
If these two girls were to ask of things inside their bags Carmi will definitely answer lipstick and face powder while Josephine will utter books and eyeglasses. Yes, these two girls are total opposites the only thing they got in common is Sam.
Josephine was simply annoyed whenever she saw Carmi and her beauty conscious friends chitchat together. She just hated the idea that these girls all know is to make themselves pretty. Every girl has a story to tell, but their stories are really sucks. She considered them under develop whores and she just can’t stop calling them names especially when they start to talk about her dear Sam. She knew long before that Carmi really likes her Sam but much to everyone’s surprise he courted her instead. But Carmi, knowing the fact that Sam is now her man, didn’t stop just yet to tell her fantasies to her friends.
“He was so cute and if you could only see his eyes when he looks at me, it feels like a lightning struck to me and it goes to my heart and then beneath my soul.” Carmi said as Josephine accidentally passed by a room where Carmi and her friends had a so called girl talk. Josephine hid behind the window and started spying. “I wanted him to hold my hands because I know he needed someone to hold to,” Carmi added with her very sentiment bared to everyone. “He may deny it but I know he’s lonely and I hate seeing him on that mood”.
            “My Sam doesn’t beed your hands, thank you. He’s well comfortable with mine, may I correct you. We’re pretty happy..psychotic girl!” Josephine shouted to herself as she releaseher anger on the plant in front of her. “She better stop talking now or else…” she was pulling every leaf of the plant as she recalled the last statement of Carmi before parting from her friends, “I need to be near him.”
            Josephine was really annoyed what does Carmi mean? She needs to calm down. Sam won’t cheat on her. She knew that true love is the foundation of their relationship and there is no way for Carmi to ruin it. She had to release her anger, she has to talk to someone. Her friends already went home so she decided to bother her cousin Emily instead.
As she talked she figured out that her cousin doesn’t want any company for the moment because she was too focused reading on her philosophy book. Her cousin is a weirdo but she doesn’t have any choice. She rather choose to talk to this pathetic one than to let her mind blow of fury.
‘She’s a total freak, you know that? ” her words cannot be delayed as she rests on the other side of the bed. “Oh I’ve got a wonderful idea, what if I’ll go to our Guidance Councilor and ask him to help Carmi with her psychological problem?” Her idea made her stand and breathlessly faced Emily to see an unconcious expression. She was still waiting for her cousin’s reactions but still after a couple of minutes, her face didn’t move a muscle at all. “C’mon don’t you have anything to say? I need some consoling here help!”. She placed her hands on her waist. “It’s late I must sleep” after a long wait her cousin answered as she closes her book and headed to her lamp to turn it off and sleep leaving her standing eyes flaming with anger.
“This is really a not so very, very good night I’ve ever had in my entire life.” She uttered in anger slamming the door as she walked out the room.
Josephine was late on her first subject the next day because she had a hard time sleeping last night. The though of Carmi seducing her Sam bothers her so much that she almost forgot the examination she ought to take half an hour from now. She is sitting on the corridor hallway when she saw Sam with his friends at the parking lot. He looks happy, she guessed. The smile on his face makes her smile too.
“Carmi misunderstood everything” she murmured as she started writing notes into her pad. For heaven’s sake, she knows that she must be focusing on her notes right now but she can’t stop herself from thinking about Sam. “We had an agreement that’s it! If she’s thinking that me and Sam split up because she doesn’t see us together this past few days, well she’s taking the situation wrong!!!”
Sam and Josephine had an agreement that they won’t stick together whenever there are major exams. They did try to study together several times but instead of reading they both got failing examination results.
She had to pause for a while to think if she’ll not going to break their agreement now or leave Carmi on her wrong assumption for all she care. She need to be with be secured one more time.
As she stood and started heading to Sam she saw the smile that always made her day. Who would not love a man that can make your weak knees seeing that closed up smile? Sam from a distance waved on her and made a sign that he would just call her after his class. Josephine looked at her wristwatch and it is already past three in the afternoon she almost forgot the examination and she knew that Sam had exams too. Having no choice, Josephine disappointedly nodded then sighed until he was out of sight.
On her way to the classroom she saw Carmi talking to a friend. “He called me last night and said he’s sorry because he felt like he took me for granted.” She’s aware that she’s fifteen minutes late on her examination but she just can’t miss out any words Carmi might tell. Her grades didn’t matter anymore she’ll listen. ‘And this morning I saw him outside our house waiting for me. We talked.” That’s it! Josephine totally stunned as she heard her saying the words she didn’t wanted to hear. ‘Is it possible that Sam is cheating on her?” She better look for Sam. Enough of spying she needs answers right now!
She prepared herself for the worst situation to happen as she walks through the hallway towards Sam’s classroom but he was not there. She looked at every room in every building but Sam nowhere to be found. She is about to lose hope when she heard a car stopped on the other side of the road. It was Sam. She almost collapsed as she saw Carmi inside the car, smiling. She can’t believe it’s true. Sam did cheat on her. She felt heaven and earth dragged up and down. Her breath stuck on her throat and she can feel her heart stop from beating. Her muscles to weak to stand and for just seconds she became pale.Her emotions betrayed her and suddenly drops of tears flowed from her eyes down to cheeks. Public didn’t matter she cried releasing all the pain and regrets.
Sam didn’t call she kept her cellphone on and even turned the tone on maximum but he didn’t call. No matter how she convince herself that the ride meant nothing yet still the phone didn’t ring. She must stop this foolishness if Sam can’t be honest with her she will let him be. It doesn’t matter anymore how much the truth will hurt she needs to know.
She could almost see the end of it when he saw Carmi talking to her friend on the last step of the stair. Drums hammered her heart fast as she gets nearer to them. She not expecting an early an early confrontation her plan is to talk to Sam first to clear the matter but since Carmi is now here she decided to deal with her anyway. Only a step drew them apart. She is tanding facing their backs when she finally got the courage to speak when Carmi’s voice came in. Her words don’t sound usual she seems to be bothered and Josephine is not used to it. Her instinct dictates that she must listen. So she does.
“He picked me up yesterday and we went to a park” as Carmi continues her story. “We talked a lot of things until we eneded up talking about Josephine.” Josephine’s ears turned big and she moved closer as curiosity pulls her into the conversation. “He said that he couldn’t believe that it’s happened between them. He just can’t take the distance that’s getting farther and farther as time goes by.”
Distance, distance, distance, the words keep on echoing on her consciousness as Carmi delivers her next outburst. “Since that day he can’t figure out what exactly had happened. He tried to convince himself that it was purely destiny but he can’t accept the truth”. Josephine still puzzled of what Carmi’s talking about moved closer and closer. “Helongs for her and he is not contented with just a piece of memory he wanted her back into his life.” “I did not go anywhere you…you let him think that I don’t exist” her mind speaking to Carmi. “I wanted him to forget her, to move on, the world waits for him. There are lots of good things waiting for him it did not end there.” GRIEF. ‘She doesn’t belong to him… never!!!” ‘he is mine you know it from the start” Josephine answered Carmi’s final anguish. She stood up because of excitement. She needs to meet up with Sam. Whatever his sentiments are.. she will be willing to patch things up. She knew it. Sam really loves her and he won’t cheat on her. A smile flushed on her face. She indeed grabbed the last laught after all. As she stepped forward she heard Carmi’s friend talk. ;hush…he’ll realize it soon don’t worry.”
“Realization..what was that…and when?” Carmi is confused. ‘Josephine has been dead for five months, he should have recovered from that loss. That day on the parking lot was really horrifying. Who would have thought that a car inside the university would ran over here? It was an accident and no one expects it to happen.” DEAD. Josephine stunned she wanted to laugh at them, tell them that they are fools. Carmi and her friends really have mental problems…
Before she took off she faced the two girls with her hands on her waist, But much to her surprise she felt a strange sensation into her boday passing beneath her bones. She was shocked. The girls just passed through her and she abruplty felt the coldness.. but there wasn’t any wind.  Instant solitude came. She’s fighting the sensation of numbness but to no avail.
Darkness. Followed next was a cloud full of darkness that effortlessly succumb her consciousness. Her memory slowly captured her being. Noises, pathetic faces, she heard the ambulance singing, the voices of men everywhere commanding students not to cross the line. A man I weeping besides her, blood stained his clothes, his face on his hands…he was crying, Sam was crying.
Her sight drew dim, tears blur everything she could clearly see a while ago. That day, a tragedy happened. She doesn’t want to think of it. Denial. That is what she’s trying to do. She needs to see Sam. She needs him that she is alive. She runs as fast as she can to reach him. He was the parking lot and he was holding something she could hardly see. She moved closer and touched him. He must feel her touch. Her warmness like before.
Josephine felt nothing but coldness as her hands pass through his shoulders. She breathed deeply and closed her eyes. Again she attempt to caress his face but he rhand no longer has the power to console the nature of reality. She stood in front og him face to face but she couldn’t see his eyes. He’s in front of her but his eyes can’t find her.
Suddenly tears flowed and she couldn’t stop his tears. She control as she cried harder, she can no longer fight the denial. She is dead. She is dead. She found a hollow soul deep into his eyes. Blag!! He dropped something. A book. It’s her cousins. She kneeled down She could feel the roughness and the ashes that pondered in it as it lay on the land. She needs to carry the book back into his hands but when she finally looked up everything turned into dark.
Another darkness.Strange.Then one by one she saw the students heading to the parking lot. Bang! The sound was earsplitting. Then she saw her cousin running towards her, armed stretched her face wet with tears. Bang! With just a blink of an eye..her cousin dropped dead. She screamed so loud that it caught the attention of everyone. Then she heard another gun fire one afther the other. She saw armed men marching in the parking lot. Blood thirsty men who murdered almost everyone. Her eyes looks for someone..she couldn’t find Sam. She started running faintly, too scared to be seen by those brutal armed man.
“Help!!!” she heard voices screaming with terror. It’s Carmi and her friends. Josephine wanted to help them but it was too late. A knife was struck into Carmi’s throat as she attempts for another call. Then very loud gun fires followed. Smoke covered the dead body of the girls she hated most. She doesn’t want this. No. The tought of it scared her as she run. But when she finally saw Sam a harsh car bumped her off.
Noises, pathetic faces, she heard the ambulance again, the voices of men everywhere commanding students not to line. A man is weeping beside her, his clothes blood stained. She thought it was hers but she was wrong.
“This is a tragedy. No one made it. Everyone is dead!!”
“No this girl made it. She is alive!” the nurse smiled at Josephine.


Saturday, June 16, 2012

Maraming mga senyales kung ayaw na sa iyo ng isang lalake:

  • Nagdadahilan para di kayo magkita (e.g. busy, overtime)
  • Minsan na lang o hindi nagtetext back
  • Hindi sinasagot ang mga tawag / hindi nagrereturn call
  • Pag nagkita kayo, nagmamadaling umuwi o di kaya’y distracted na parang may ibang iniisip
  • Hindi maalala ang mga importanteng araw (birthday, anniversary) at nakakalimutan din magregalo
  • Nagsisinungaling
  • Hindi na malambing o kasinlambing tulad ng dati
  • Maaaring mahuli mo o ng mga kaibigan mo na may ibang kasamang babae. Kapag na confront, magdadahilan na kaibigan lang o classmate o former classmate yon at masyado kang selosa.
  • Palaging nagpapapogi and/or nagpapabango na di naman nya usual na gawain.
  • Naghahanap ng dahilan para lang mag-away palagi (leading to break-up).

Monday, June 11, 2012


Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go: 
There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big? 
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu 
Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life. 
 Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle 
about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle 
Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking. 
Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all. 
Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly. 
Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell 
Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer 
Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt 
Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real. 
I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now. 
This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another,  attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words. 
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. 

Monday, May 7, 2012

The World Is Quiet Here

The world gets too quiet sometimes.
All sounds fades away to a dull roar, all mixed together, and images move in slow motion, their colors muted. It is in these moments that I create my own world, and it's a dangerous world, for in it, anything can happen, and I am powerless to stop it.
Sometimes is can be wonderful. I have the most amazing daydreams, dreams of meeting the perfect guy, falling in love, growing up and having a family. I dream of saving the world and of making movies. I dream of traveling. I dream of death.
For me, death is everything. It is all I want and all I fear. It is terrifyingly imminent and yet it seems so far away that I grasp at it only to have it dance from my fingertips. Sometimes I dream of car crashes or of drive-by shootings. I dream of dragging a blade across my wrists, throat, chest; pulling a trigger to bury a bullet in my brain. I dream of tall cliffs and of fast-moving trains; I dream of drowning and falling and burning and everything in between. My dreams scare me. My dreams keep me going.
Sometimes, at night, when my paranoia kicks in really bad, the only way I can relax myself enough to fall asleep is to remind myself that even if someone were to kill me in the night, it would be okay, because I want to die anyway.

Life goes on after love has gone

No one ever taught us how to deal with the pain of a broken heart, we don't get taught anything real about relationships in school, we just have to learn from our own lessons.
It doesn't matter how young or old you are, anybody can love and anybody can have their heart broken.
After recently having my heart TRULY broken for the first time, I've realised that all the quotes that I've read on heartbreak, all the reactions to heartbreak you see in films, all the lyrics you hear in songs about heartbreak - they're all true, down to a tee.
You can never under estimate how much power loving someone can have over you. 
Since going through my break up, and still going through it, I've realised how slow time goes now that I'm not spending it with him. Seconds turn to minutes, minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days, days turn to months, and so on and so forth. My beds completely cold compared to the warmth it used to have in it every night, all of a sudden a - smaller than - double bed, feels like a - bigger than - king size bed. And all of a sudden, it seems like I've lost my whole meaning to life. 
How? How can i possibly lose meaning to my life at the age of 19?! I'm 19 years old and I'm going through heartbreak as though I've just been widowed by a man that I'd been married to for the best part of my life.
But I've realised,I'm too young to just pause my life just because one person, one boy, has left me. Why should my friends have to lose out on my personality just because of the way HE has made me feel? Why should my family walk on egg shells around me because of the way HE hurt my feelings? Why should I feel like I've lost the best part of my life when he's having the time of his life?
Your destiny lies in NO-ONE. If people leave you, they are meant to leave you.
As much as you may not want it to be over, that person is just not meant to have that connection to you in life.
And one day someone will make you feel worthwhile again and all those negative thoughts that, that one person put in your head about relationships, they'll begin to fade.
Love is just a part of life, not the main priority.

Friday, May 4, 2012

May 4, 2012

An idea of a rather horrible realization have dawned upon me when I have thought of what it was actually like to feel lonely. I know there had been so many perceptions and explanations around and I have even said my own piece for the respective subject in the past but I have always been so eager throughout whenever this is always being brought upon. And maybe, this is one of those times that I have finally figured it all out with an adult point of view. Loneliness, for me, is a state of mental illness one holds no complete authority or any cure for. It always has its stinging feeling that goes down beneath our skins and slides down to our very bones, and sometimes, we would never know how much it is actually hurting until it demands us to have it felt. And sure it gives us no pain coming from a physical damage or sudden impacts but the antagonizing effect brought through the emotional approach beats the hell of all the physical pain combined. It knocks us off our feet and sometimes, it tests our threshold for pain that eventually dictates us how much we’re surviving through the times of torturing. It makes us loathe ourselves while at the same trying to think of a way on how are we gonna get through the hell of it all. But this has always been a rather inescapable temporary prison of some sort. And you can never get out until it declares that it’s finally done with you. So we try to keep ourselves sane, think of the other things and will ourselves away from it. But no matter how hard we try to do the best that we can, it keeps haunting us over and over again. So being the humans we are, we sometimes cross the line to insanity and go through the edge of our madness. And this horrible realization sometimes makes us think how awful we’ve gone throughout the course of time. It gives us the sense of disgust toward ourselves, makes us sick of our lives and we eventually develop the hate and envy towards the people around us who are not lonely. So at some points we grow weary and desperate of our lives that we eventually lose hope of getting through the phase of loneliness. But things are always temporary, so maybe, we only have to keep moving, continue embracing the painful truth and live with it, and when the time comes that it sets us free, that’s when we set no standards in our lives and allow every single person in.

Katrina's Site: Dear Loneliness,

Katrina's Site: Dear Loneliness,

Dear Loneliness,

I don’t actually let people know this, but being alone and lonely gets to me more than I like to admit. I am used to it though, towards some point. But it is when I stop and think about it, I see how much it hurts me. How I just sit there, wishing someone was there with me. Sitting alone in a room, it’s hard. Be it online or in real life. It makes you start thinking, unless you distract yourself to the point where you ignore it.
But that doesn’t make the pain go away, the demons that start to enter your mind where you tried so hard to hide them and gag them. In fact, sometimes I think the more you are alone, the more they fight. The more you start thinking about them. So instead of thinking of my own, I am typing all this down, in hopes it will help. 
We all have demons, we all have nightmares, and…or at least I hope, we all try to fight them. Sometimes we get up, and stay strong. And then there are the days where you just fall and can’t get up from their taunting words. The damaging words. The words that cause your soul to cry out in pain, hoping someone will hear it…and that they will help save you. Or at least…make the pain, the terror, the words, and the loneliness…go away, even if it is for a moment. A moment of relief is…wonderful. But then you can’t help start thinking when the next time the pain will come. When it will get worse again. When those demons will return, stronger than ever, ready to take you down to your personal Hell, and make you so bad that you can’t get up again. 
I hate to say this…but there has been so much shit in my life…I try so hard to be positive, I try to let people know that I’ll be okay. Or that I am okay. I hardly ever let them know how badly I am doing. I’m worse off than how people know. How can I physically fight a battle when I’ve been fighting it and mental/emotional issues for years? I’m exhausted. I’m tired of fighting. I am tired of being the strong one. I am just…oh so tired. 
I am also alone. And lonely. Surround by people, but yet…so lonely. 
Guess that is what God/Fate/Life/Whatever decided to give me…and I don’t know how much more I can take of it. I hardly have enough fight in me left. Guess I am saving it for when I honestly need it…
The Dreamer

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Being Remembered

What is the purpose of life? It’s a pretty philosophical question, I know. For some, it’s just to live life to the fullest. This is great and all, but I really would like to be remembered. I want to affect other people to the point that I helped them live a better life. 
It really depresses me when some people just want to get by, and that’s it. That’s essentially saying that you, as a human, have no effect on the outcome of others’ lives. I see this most commonly with firm believers in fate. I believe in fate to a point, but I also think we have the ability to determine our own paths, whatever they may be. 
Some may say, “How the heck can I make a difference, when I just want my loved-ones to survive and have a better life than I did?” To that I say that seeing you helping and empowering others will make your loved-ones appreciate the action of helping and empowering others. If everyone just worries about their immediate families, your communities, states, countries, globe will suffer as a whole.
As an end-note, embrace change. Use it to your advantage. Don’t let others tell you that changing is always a bad thing.
“Change is a triumph of humanity.” - Biz Stone of Twitter.

just realized something about myself

I’m so nice to everyone and allow myself to be walked all over because I just want to be remembered when everyone else goes off with the ones they love. i just want someone to think back and remember me and maybe one day when i’m all alone i’ll get a phone call from someone who chose to catch up. I know once I graduate it’ll be years and years before this happens, probably decades even, for me it’s worth it. I just want to be remembered sometime down the road. I want a positive eulogy as morbid as that sounds. 

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

The Life I made and making

There are a lot of things in my life that I’ve done wrong, decisions recklessly made, paths I thought I was in the right direction, things I have regret, people I hurt, disregard and ignored, love that I have not returned, love I wasted, questioned and denied, friendship I lost, pushed and forgotten, those hate, mistrust, anger and grudges I felt, those envy thoughts and jealousy, the bad things I’ve done, those despicable attempt,thoughts and actions I made, all those cruelty and being a snob, all those hurtful words I’ve said, all those spoiled actions, the laziness, selfishness and greed, all those loneliness and sadness, those pain I have inflicted, all those doubts, worries and fears, all those forgiveness I didn’t accept, all those feeling whatever it is I have kept, those proud gestures, hypocrisy and arrogance, my lack of faith, the hopelessness, worthlessness I felt for myself, and those nonresistance to temptation at times, all those lies and deception I created, those wrong judgement I made to others and all the other guilt and wickedness I failed to mention; despite of this things, I was loved and cared for with more than I was deserved. That is why I still was lucky to live a life like this. Somethings might be too late and a lot of things could not be undone, most of the things should be change but it won’t be fast and easy, but somethings should also be left as it is and learned to accept to move on. 

I may not be fully satisfied of how my life had been, I may have questioned myself sometimes about how I live my life. All this dilemmas I face. All this things, Everything. This… Is the life I made and making… 

I may had been down and depressed but I’m trying to hold on, I won’t let go to His Mighty Hands, I won’t try… I’ll try to do my best but I won’t promise… Because I know there are times I might waver, there are times I might feel giving up. But still I continue to believe He will be there to carry me before I do, even catch me if I’m almost falling and even rescue me if I already did. 
I might not be strong and patient enough right know to endure, but I believe this plans He made for my life is filled with such wonder and beauty. 
But just like a wide puzzle, I need to put it together correctly and find the missing pieces, I just need to be strong and patient to endure. And if I can’t find it after so long or get lost along its way, I know He will help me find the way; and if I put the wrong pieces together, I know he will lend me a hand to help. And later I know I will finish my own puzzle and see how God want’s me to be. 
God will always be there no matter what our imperfections… God will never let go!