This empty feeling won't go away and i don't know what to do

i don’t know what it is. but lately i have this feelings that i cant understand. this feeling that there is so much lacking and so much longing that i dont even know what it is. the feeling between laughing and crying, the feeling like you want to be with someone but you want to be alone also, the feeling like you are there but not really, the feeling like you’re longing for the past but you’re excited with the future at the same time. this feeling that you cant even put into words, this feelings that you can understand.

And no, this is not depression, actually i can say that im okay now, and im not sad anymore but im not happy either. im not even heartbroken anymore, those broken pieces and pain is now almost healed but at the same time it feels like a fresh cut of blade in your heart. this is not loneliness, this is not anxiety, this is not confusion, this is not nostalgia, this is not insanity either. it is more like the combination of everything that you dont understand. and i call it emptiness, and i dont like it.