Sometimes I wish I didn’t love you.

Or perhaps even have ever met you.

I pray to God of the highest that I could just forget you 

Maybe He will have mercy and bless me with the gift of numbness so I won’t feel my own heart beating.

Because when I think of you I feel my heart squeeze…

and I wish darkness would overcome me so I could just slip off to a dreamless sleep….

And be able to breathe without the burden of knowing you are breathing the same air as me…

 And the feeling of hopelessly being in love won’t bother me because… 

Sleep is the only place where thoughts of you won’t invade me,

because dreamless nights are nothing.

There is no love, no light.

Just a black void where, 

Nothing exists except the rising and falling of my chest as I inhale and exhale deeply. 

Love doesn’t exist— it isn’t even a faint thought in a dreamless sleep

Unsaid Feeling :|

Maybe you won’t never read this but,When people ask me why I let you go I just smile and give a distant smile. What they don’t realize is that I still love you, I still need to get over you. They don’t know the pain I feel of trying to let you go, you left a mark on my heart. And the sad part is I realized a long time ago you would never love me the way I still love you.

Blue life.

Lost my dreams Life dosen’t seem so supreme … I’m lost at sea I’m serious its no one but me… These words are simple But the situation is ample… I can’t feel my heart…numb.. Feelings gone…I’m Hung on a broken heart. And my past is my only friend …my shadow. I walking alone on this mission … It’s a battle… and while I’m missing you… I’m missing out On life weeping and crying for someone to hear me out… I gotta change , be a better me and find a way out Of the blue…. This blue life …

The Story of Having to Move On

February 21st, 2012 

It is nice to know that I have good friends, but this thing where people getting asking me how am I or if I am okay is starting to get on my nervous. I don’t like to constantly be reminded of why I might not be okay. Don’t people understand I fight every second to not think about it. It is still hard seeing them together, but it is nice that he is a least considerate enough to tone it down in front of me, because he doesn’t have to if he didn’t want to. I went running again today, it is nice to be by myself for awhile and be thoughtless. I have an entire paper to write tonight, so I guess that is good, it will provide me with a little distraction.

~~ Edward Abbey

“One final paragraph of advice: do not burn yourselves out. Be as I am - a reluctant enthusiast….a part-time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic. Save the other half of yourselves and your lives for pleasure and adventure. It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it. While you can. While it’s still here. So get out there and hunt and fish and mess around with your friends, ramble out yonder and explore the forests, climb the mountains, bag the peaks, run the rivers, breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, the lovely, mysterious, and awesome space. Enjoy yourselves, keep your brain in your head and your head firmly attached to the body, the body active and alive, and I promise you this much; I promise you this one sweet victory over our enemies, over those desk-bound men and women with their hearts in a safe deposit box, and their eyes hypnotized by desk calculators. I promise you this; You will outlive the bastards.” 

~~ Steve Harvey

“Nothing on this planet can compare with a woman’s love—it is kind and compassionate, patient and nurturing, generous and sweet and unconditional. Pure. If you are her man, she will walk on water and through a mountain for you, too, no matter how you’ve acted out, no matter what crazy thing you’ve done, no matter the time or demand. If you are her man, she will talk to you until there just aren’t any more words left to say, encourage you when you’re at rock bottom and think there just isn’t any way out, hold you in her arms when you’re sick, and laugh with you when you’re up. And if you’re her man and that woman loves you—I mean really loves you?—she will shine you up when you’re dusty, encourage you when you’re down, defend you even when she’s not so sure you were right, and hang on your every word, even when you’re not saying anything worth listening to. And no matter what you do, no matter how many times her friends say you’re no good, no matter how many times you slam the door on the relationship, she will give you her very best and then some, and keep right on trying to win over your heart, even when you act like everything she’s done to convince you she’s The One just isn’t good enough. 
That’s a woman’s love—it stands the test of time, logic, and all circumstance. ” 

Soulmate

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. 

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. 

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master…” 

~~ Elizabeth Gilbert

You try so hard to shut the feelings out

Why do we always try to hide our feelings? Why do we always shut ourselves in a room and cry and think about things that would always make us sad? Is it good if we just keep those negative feelings and thoughts all by ourselves? 

The only reason why we want those feelings to keep all by ourselves is that because we’re afraid that it might cause a bigger problem to those around us. We don’t want to be a burden to those who love us. But the question here is, is it good?

Some might think that it’s good because their problem won’t add up to the problem of the people around them. But the truth is, not telling them our problem is just a sign that we don’t trust them enough. Some might think that no one understand them so they lock themselves in a room and isolate themselves from other people. But, how could people understand you completely if you don’t to share your thoughts with them? How could they know what you’re really feeling if you don’t want to speak up your mind. You’re only hurting yourself more if you keep your problem  to yourself. No matter how bothersome it could be, always share your thoughts to others.

ALWAYS REMEMBER: A PROBLEM SHARED IS A PROBLEM HALVED :)

The dilemma.

I know it’s good to be positive it’s not like I want to be negative. It was just an easier way to deal with disappointment but I never realized that I spent all that time being sad because I was subconsciously expecting disappointment. I don’t want to get hurt but if I do then I don’t want to feel vulnerable it’s the worst feeling. This is my dilemma, worrying to much about the shit that hasn’t even happened. Am I doing this to myself or is it from past experiences…nah definitely both. I stress myself out for no reason; spending energy on shit that doesn’t matter. None of it’s right, I ain’t gonna be like this. I’mma break down my walls and take it like a man.

Make your memories count

You know what? Not everything in this world is going to be easy. What would be the point if it was we just have to go and fight and show the world who is boss. The years pass by quickly, but not as quick as months, days, and hours. Make each moment precious. Make every memory that you create be a memory worth remembering. A memory that makes you laugh once you remember and you whisper to yourself. “Good times Good times.” Knowing that you spent those days well. Not regretting your choices. Stop to try to think on the ‘what ifs’ you made your choice and you are where you are. Just keep going forward and live your life. Once again I say “EVERYTHING IN LIFE HAPPENS FOR A REASON” Just keep going.

Don’t really regret most of the choices that you had control over. Just keep living and have fun! It is your life and you know what. WE are still young!

While we're busy growing up, they're growing old.

It’s sad, you know. Growing up like this. I mean, as we grow up, we’ve been distracted with the petty stuff and we’ve been worrying about the wrong things around us.

We used to cry when we didn’t get the toy we wanted. Then we grew up a little.

We started to ask our parents for money to buy clothes, gadgets. Then we grew up a little.

We began to sneak out past our bedtime to attend parties. Then we grew up a little. And a little more. And a little more..

We’re now in school, stressing over exams and projects, playing with other people’s feelings, fighting over love, balancing our jobs as we prepare ourselves to become adults.

It’s sad, you know. It’s sad that we barely notice how fast we’re growing up and how fast our parents are growing old. It’s sad to see that we take pills and drink stuff to stay awake, stay focus, or even get fucked up while our parents take pills and drink stuff just to get some proper sleep or just to stay alive to keep their bodies functioning properly. It’s sad to know how selfish and self-centered we truly are as kids.. how we can be so naive and oblivious about the important things. But I guess that’s just part of growing up. We get exposed to new things, we learn, we come to a point where we know the truth about ourselves no matter how much it sucks. And the only thing we can do is to accept it.

Eventually, we’ll have kids of our own and this whole thing will happen to us with our own children. The cycle continues. Life goes on. But we still have now, so let’s appreciate our parents and never take them for granted.

Everything is Meaningless.

What does it mean to live? Is it simply the emotion that comes forth from doing what you love? Is it when you wake up each morning and open your eyes like the very first time? Is it standing in the rain and feeling them on your skin? Is it feeling the sun beat down on your face and closing your eyes and soaking it in? I don’t think anything can really explain, but yet I think that explains it all the same. Everything under this sun has absolutely no meaning and it is overwhelmingly useless. I think living means not having the words to express how you feel. I think when you truly look past what everyone sees as life, then you start to see what living really is. That’s it though. We’re not just simply living, but we should be living FOR something. There are endless people in this world that are living for the wrong things, but when you start living for Christ…that’s when you’re living, because you don’t have the words to describe how it feels. You can literally feel life in you when you make that decision to let Jesus into your life. As much as we say we can say how it feels, there are no words that gives justice to the joy that He brings. Start living for the God that saved us all, and I can guarantee that you will experience life for the very first time.

60 Things to be Grateful for in my Life

1. Your parents - For giving birth to you. Because if there is no them, there will not be you.
2. Your family – For being your closest kin in the world
3. Your friends – For being your companions in life
4. Sense of sight – For letting you see the colors of life
5. Sense of hearing - For letting you hear trickle of rain, the voices of your loved ones, and the harmonious chords of music
6. Sense of touch - For letting you feel the texture of your clothes, the breeze of the wind, the hands of your loved ones
7. Sense of smell – For letting you smell scented candles, perfumes, and beautiful flowers in your garden
8. Sense of taste – For letting you savor the sweetness of fruits, the saltiness of seawater, the sourness of pickles, the bitterness of bitter gourd, and the spiciness of chilli
9. Your speech – For giving you the outlet to express yourself
10. Your heart – For pumping blood to all the parts of your body every second since you were born; for giving you the ability to feel
11. Your lungs – For letting you breathe so you can live
12. Your immune system – For fighting viruses that enter your body. For keeping you in the pink of your health so you can do the things you love.
13. Your hands – So you can type on your computer, flip the pages of books, and hold the hands of your loved ones
14. Your legs - For letting you walk, run, swim, play the sports you love, and curl up in the comfort of your seat
15. Your mind - For the ability to think, to store memories, and to create new solutions
16. Your good health – For enabling you to do what you want to do and for what you’re about to do in the future
17. Your school - For providing a environment conducive to learning and growing
18. Your teachers – For their dedication and for passing down knowledge to you
19. Tears – For helping you express your deepest emotions
20. Disappointment - So you know the things that matter to you most
21. Fears – So you know your opportunities for growth
22. Pain – For you to become a stronger person
23. Sadness – For you to appreciate the spectrum of human emotions
24. Happiness – For you to soak in the beauty of life
25. The Sun - For bringing in light and beauty to this world
26. Sunset – For a beautiful sight to end the day
27. Moon and Stars - For brightening up our night sky
28. Sunrise - For a beautiful sight to start the morning
29. Rain – For cooling you when it gets too warm and for making it comfy to sleep in on weekends
30. Snow – For making winter even more beautiful

31. Rainbows – For a beautiful sight to look forward to after rain
32. Oxygen - For making life possible
33. The earth – For creating the environment for life to begin
34. Mother nature - For covering our world in beauty
35. Animals – For adding to the diversity of life
36. Internet - For connecting you and me despite the physical space between us
37. Transport - For making it easier to commute from one place to another
38. Mobile phones – For making it easy to stay in touch with others
39. Computers – For making our lives more effective and efficient
40. Technology – For making impossible things possible
41. Movies – For providing a source of entertainment
42. Books – For adding wisdom into your life
43. Blogs – For connecting you with other like-minded people
44. Shoes – For protecting your feet when you are out
45. Time – For a system to organize yourself and keep track of activities
46. Your job – For giving you a source of living and for being a medium where you can add value to the world
47. Music - For lifting your spirits when you’re down and for filling your life with more love
48. Your bed - For you to sleep comfortably in every night
49. Your home - For a place you can call home
50. Your soul mate – For being the one who understands everything you’re going through
51. Your best friends – For being there for you whenever you need them
52. Your enemies – For helping you uncover your blind spots so you can become a better person
53. Kind strangers – For brightening up your days when you least expect it
54. Your mistakes - For helping you to improve and become better
55. Heartbreaks - For helping you mature and become a better person
56. Laughter - For serenading your life with joy
57. Love - For letting you feel what it means to truly be alive
58. Life’s challenges - For helping you grow and become who you are
59. Life - For giving you the chance to experience all that you’re experiencing, and will be experiencing in time to come

And last but not least… #60:

You.

For being who you are and touching the world with your presence. For being alive and reading this post. For giving me the chance to touch your life and fulfill my purpose to help others. You are the reason I live. Thank you.

Valentines Day

 WHAT IS LOVE?

Love, what does it truly mean? When you love somebody does it mean that you sacrifice everything for that person? Are you supposed to give your life and soul to that person? Should you forgive anything that person does that goes against everything that you believe in and stand for? Do you give up any of your beliefs for the person you love? Do you devote your life and all your efforts to make the person you love happy? Is there a middle ground to love that you can step into, where both of you give up something of yourselves to prove the love you have for each other? If so, what part of your character do you give up? Do you give up that part of your character that makes you who you are? Is there a part of your character you can give up that will not change who you are and would you really want to give that part of yourself up? When you tell somebody that you love them what are you really trying to say? Do you understand the exact meaning of what you are saying? Do you realize love is not just an emotion that comes and goes, in fact it is not entirely an emotion, love does not come from the heart, it comes from the mind. Love is an understanding, an awareness of just who that person is, an acceptance of that person for what he or she stands for, for what he or she believes in. When you tell somebody that you love them what you are really saying is that there is not one part of his or her being that you can live without and you would never ask them to compromise any part of that being. You are saying I respect everything about you, I am conscious of who you are, what you believe in and what you want. When you say I love you, you are saying that you trust that person explicitly, and you expect nothing in return for the love that you have giving freely, except respect for those feelings. 

The importance of Love?

Love is absolutely essential for us to have a happy life. It is certainly that way for us. Love is but a necessity. Love is a need for appreciation, satisfaction and self- confidence. It is not a goal as it is a long term matter. If anyone loves you for a days and leaves, then what? Will you be pleased that have achieved a goal? Certainly, when the world is too much with us, having the refuge of a loved one’s arms and heart are the greatest of consolations and a source to recharge our fortitude to face again life’s adversities. We cannot simply go it alone for, the heart is the lonely hunter of the heart.

Advantage having a Love

Love is a very beautiful feeling; it makes one feel on top of this earth and makes them feel important. As if they are special and all these feelings make them happy and they do things in a very cheerful and nice mood.

Disadvantage of having a love?

When you are attached with someone so much that you decide to spend your life with that person and for some reason things do not work out, then there is a huge disappoint and you move away from that person and things get worse, and it takes a lot of time for them to recover and get over it.

Love cannot be described in words, is a very different and beautiful feelings which is so pure and real. This is something which one feels when they like someone, but this liking is different from the liking of a normal friend, you feel like you cannot live your life without that other person and you want to be that person forever. When you are with them the times vanishes away like never before, you start giving that person a different place and value in your life. But there are many advantages and disadvantages of love.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY :)